date and context (when & with who)
post the most important topics that seem to have a quality of that asks for your consideration.
write out what you think you should respond to, and how you’re going to try and approach it
Feedback from Lorelei
- Deeper action v.s surface action;
- for the sc01-shot02: slow down the pan; get away the big tree on the corner; show the barrenness; the pan can goes a bit more after the character stop. The character performance: show that she is working hard. Refine the spot that she stops, show the base of the bridge, so that she can turn back to her work after she looks at the Wonderland.
- the OS shot of her looking back on the broken bridge: perspective. Or add a CU shot of the branches in the milestone, and then cut to a CU shot of her reaction–deep action of showing her fear and then cry.
- scale of the island: scale down and show the bridge on it.
- the low angle shot of she on the last island is too long, just briefly show that
- faster the Jump, and reference more on the jump. the pan slower than her fall.
- the POV of water, which she looks at when she is falling down, should be faster.
- the scene of she is under the water: It needs more time to show her hand moving up, when she is moving up
- Out of Water: maybe she looks not very safe on the branch. (ie. the branch is higher–hide the info, and show the info later)
- she is on the edge and try to get on the land.
Feedback from class
- maybe could go with no intro–if so, make the barren island look really bad
- under-water: the arms in water should move slower
- the under water scene: show the character entering into the water from fast and them slow down
- need more work on the jumping scene, it is very important scene
- screen direction
Feedback from Lorelei
- animation, key poses of the under-water scene: the proportion of the legs. the movements of the head and shoulder should be more stable.
- animatic, scene of build, need to add an neutral shot of showing the decreasing of wood(maybe) to show time change; recently, the cut between the CU and the bridge is a huge jump; add cross-dissolve between the building
- animatic, scene of out-of-water, need to show the branch, which in the water, clearly; more key poses for the character’s jumping out movement, off-set the movement of the arms, hanging on the branch.
Feedback from Darren
- the motivation scene is not clear enough, some ideas from “catsway” need more info to show her motivation
- the scene of running out of materials is not clear–the pan is not working at that scene, also the character performances
- The placements of character in some scenes, i.e. when the character i on the bridge, closing the wonderland, she should be placed in a higher position.
- the character performances
Feedback from Mini group meeting
- Adding the apple helps to tell the motivation, it works; but needs to fix the camera angle, and tree placement; show her living environment
- recently the apple tree is in the background–it needs to standing out from the background, showing its important
- The pan of showing the barren island is not working very well
- the establishing shot, the zoom is too extreme, needs to fix; the zoom and the pan is too fast, needs to slow down;
Feedback from Hilary
- clarify the motivation scene, show time change of she looking at the wonderland to show her longing.
- the scene of showing/panning the barren island is confused.
- need more info for the animatic, such as use color to indicate the water and the wonderland/ indicate the bridge in each scene to show the location of where the movement take place
- be careful of screen direction
- try different camera angles to show the distance between the wonderland and the barren island, because the distance is not clear
Feedback from Lorelei
- tree, maybe the only tree only apple; the tree has to close to the edge
- the design of the bridge
- if the tree is knocked down by the wave, the brach broken that she can also use to build the bridge
- the trasition of her decision, has to show her emotion and she solve; no food, the only 1 thing left is gone; she is scared, looking around to find ways to solve problem ( reaction ho to show her process.
Feedback from Senichi
- Going through the rules of cinimatography; analyze the animatic shot by shot.
Feedback from Ceile (Faculty)
- her life is too stable, but the wave comes, destroy everything, so she needs to move in order to survive
- short amount of she get a wood to build
- her struggle, cut it back a bit–maybe too much
- focus on facial expression, find so reference (“Facial Expression–A Visual Reference Artist
- the Performance of the character
- color Pallet, “secret of Kells”: rich BG v.s. simple Color; contrast color
- the final sence; the end need longer to show she achieve something and happy with that–maybe she is lying down, to show her relax
2016/10/25 (week 07)
Feedback from Class
- color pallet for the environment and character (Senichi, Laurel)
- Push camera angles a bit more(Roxie, Meghan); the wonderland seems a bit deserted still, maybe allude to people being there without having to dream them–maybe diegetic music, hinting at music within the city to liven it up? (Roxie) low angle that when she is on the edge (zano)
- build a bridge, bridge design, more magical less like a perfect real (Niki) maybe build the bridge with the materials drifted to the shore (Cindy)
- expressive acting and facial expressions, more body performance.
- show more materials resource
- where the material? What?
- Island establishing, plan of make bridge, her motivation of going–now have a big gap; last tree (Zano)
2016/10/18 (week 06)
Feedback from Lorelei
- focus on her struggling, not building the bridge. I decide to take away the parts–she looks at the bridge and decides to build a bridge; she gathers the materials in the first parts; the difficulties she has when she is building the bridge.
- add more on the under-water scene; show more about her struggles, she wants to give up, but finally not giving up–add CU shot, hand movement, increasing the intension.
- when she jumps out from water: W shot cut to CU, showing her emotion
- find a design for the tree, which she can catch when she jumps out of water.
2016/10/17 (week 06)
Feedback from Joel (peer partner)
- Establishing shot should be zoomed out a lot, maybe take away the POV shot of the wonderland(2nd); and maybe change the order by showing the barren island first and then move to the wonderland in the beginning.
- Roles of thrid, ie. humble house
- Not sure, does she have to be knock out when she falls down on the ground.
- Maybe the bridge collaged when she gather material, so she doesn’t have to turn back
- Zoom out a bit to show running out of materials; show the whole barren island
- Her struggle on the bridge of jumping or not is repeating, maybe cut out?
- CU shot, and then move back on the bridge
- add more to show her struggling in the water, maybe slow motion?
- water–>jumping out of the water
Feedback from Martin (faculty)
- the focus of the meeting is on the design and cinematography
- push the design more: island –> very small
- the character’s pose and performance
- camera angle, more dynamic shot (over the shoulder to show what she sees, shot from the water to capture the character, from a higher angle to shot the character looking at the water…)
- when she decide to jump–look back at the island, much more emotion; or maybe the bridge falls again.
2016/10/11 (week 05)
Feedback from mini group
- Timing, half of the shot are too fast, should give more time on what she is looking at. (cosmo)
- character design: her neck, the pelvis, shorten the leg, show the wrist.
- (not showing in the animatic) her longing to go and what she has, need to find something else to prove her ideas, not seeing the bridge;
- for the design. maybe push fantasy. (real &imagine world); the bridge design, something simple design; the style of the world; the character design maybe less human?
- for the layout, perspective
2016/10/10 (week 04)
Feedback from Joel (peer partner)
The shots of the beginning of the film go by way too fast.
An establishing shot of the island she starts on would be nice. Right now it’s not even clear if she’s on an island.
Most of the shots could be zoomed out just a little.
confused about the part at 1:05. Is she watching the other bridge collapse? If so then that could be made clearer with a quick establishing shot. But I’m not sure how the other bridge collapsing relates to her struggle anyway?
The change in screen direction at 1:10 is disorienting.
2016/10/04 (week 04)
- any people on the other side not helping her? (Niki, Cosmo, Roxie) maybe buildings behind trees, no right by the shore.(Meghan)
- show more struggle to build the bridge (Niki, Zano)
- too much montage? cut down the montage, focus more on learning how to build the bridge?
- camera choice, dynamic angle(Vivian, Senichi) maybe a view of her looking up inside the water? (Cindy)
- the distance between the two islands could be longer
- simply the character, exaggerate things a bit more (Meghan)
- make her cry near the climax? push the emotional change (Cindy)
- more connection between the girl and the wonderland, desire of going into the wonderland. (Chloe)
- Destroy the island, cutting down all the trees. (Lorelei)
- just have her cut down a tree and use the tree as a bridge, by dragging it to the river and pushing it in and trying to cross the log in the river, but then the log isn’t long enough so then she has to jump? (Laurel)
- what causes the character change? why does she build the bridge now not before? It seems too easy for her, not feeling her struggle.
- No one will help her. There are people on the wonderland, but they live far away from the shore. I will fix the view of the wonderland; there are will be no buildings near the shore; maybe a forest near the shore; and the town and buildings are behind the forest/on the mountain.
- I will put more focus on the character’s struggle of learning how to building the bridge and cut some of the montage.
- For camera choice, I will try to use more dynamic angles. The suggestion of adding a view of her looking up inside the water seems great!
- For the distance, I will try to increase the distance.
- I will try to re-design my character.
- I am thinking to make her cry her the climax also, but I am not sure which way is better? cry? or not cry but with a helpless face?
- I think after I finish the concept art of the environment design of two islands, the desire of her going to the wonderland will be stronger.
- For the thinking of destroying the island, I also think about it when I drew my storyboard. I think that maybe I can show the trees on the barren island are destroyed by the strong wind or something else, so that there are actually not many trees, but some bushes or grass, which cannot use for building the bridge, on the barren island.
- The idea of cutting down a tree and use it as a bridge is my first idea. I will re-think about it.
- The reason of character change: Maybe she doesn’t have any tool to make a bridge; many trees are pulled down by the storm(?) before, so she can gather the materials to build the bridge. But it seems impossible for a person without any tool to build a bridge. I also wonder that is that make sense for a barren island having tools in it. Where are the tools from? Maybe there are few people live on the barren island before, but the others were died in the disaster (the storm), so that there are some tools on the barren island, but no other people. She is feeling lonely, and she sees some people in the wonderland, so that she decide to go there. however, the story will become more complex if I add all those details in.
Feedback from peer group partner (Joel):
- storyboard rough to read
- if worried about too long, might cut out the part where the bridge breaks down.
- the distance between her and the wonderland. a side-view shot might work well.
- push the composition a bit more. Majority of the shots have the action taking place directly in the center.
2016/09/20 (week 02)
- motivation: lonely–emphasis on the loneliness in the opening; how to show the motivation in a strong sense in the beginning? show her fear of drowning in the water. fear!!!
- focus on the beginning, and why she wants to go for the struggle. be able to understand why she is willing to go through all these struggles.
- show building the bridge is the only option.
- the gap/distance of the river
- improves the difference between the barren island and wonderland; knowing something better in the other side. ie. house
- the ending, more struggle to show afterward;
- how does she feel after landing?
- her emotion change; reactions of her jump/landing
- animated water
- in the beginning, she makes a boat try to use it as the tool to cross the river, but the boat is destroyed by the strong current;
- she is afraid of the water, fear to get onto the boat; after the boat is destroyed, her fear rise;
2016/09/15 (week 01)
- log-line is generic tells nothing
- where she lives in the barren land–barren land v.s. abundant wonderland. how to show the different worlds between the barren land and wonderland?
- is that important that she is lonely? her feeling–isolated feeling?
- loneliness, boring–> goal: to build a bridge to cross river & get to a new place; motivation: have a better life.
- the reason why she cannot swim/boat? strong current? or maybe has shark?
- river = obstacle
- conflict — cannot swim, show trying
- conflict 1, the process to build the bridge–> solve the problems, shows how smart she is, and how she is making effect
- conflict 2, barren, not much to use： how to make a bridge, use everything to build the bridge, the materials may not enough; how to use resource to solve the problems?
- conflict 3, the material is not enough,and the bridge might fall? what she will do?jump?fear? trying to solve problems?make decision?
- log-line is re-wrote.
- goal + motivation
- reasons why not swim: she doesn’t know how to swim; strong current in the river